The 4th of July

Greetings All; Shardvixen Here.
     When I was growing up the 4th of July mean parades, military, picnics and fireworks.  It also was family and my grandfather's birthday.  He was born July 5th but since he and my grandmother always did BBQs with the whole family around, I am guessing it became a thing my grandmother did because my grandfather hated his birthday as much as he hated the 4th.
     He didn't hate it because he hated America but because of the fireworks. The loud booms and bright fiery lights along with a potential for harm to his children and eventually his grandchildren.  He would have rather stayed in his room watching Benny Hill or some other show he loved.  I too had a problem with fireworks from an early age.  Mine was geared from anxiety of being told what could happen to you if you weren't careful and the things left to my imagination.  I have a really big imagination and it was even bigger when I was a child.
    My grandfather suffered from anxiety as well but his came from his bout in basic training when for WW2.  He was seen as a failure due to him having a mental breakdown and being hospitalized for it.  Down the road of recovery, he was sent home only to be shamed by those around him for not being strong enough to go to war and do what needed to be done.  All of his peers were able to do so and if we look at the time through cultural lenses , we know how patriotic a solider was and the people were all behind it.
     As a child, I didn't understand any of that, all I knew was I could go sit by my grandfather and no one would pick on me because I was afraid of sparklers.  I like seeing the sparks but I didn't want to be near them or touch them.  I was fearful of them well into my teens.
    Thinking of my grandfather who due to passing on, never got to meet my children.  He never got to know I explained to them the real meaning of fireworks and why we used them to celebrate this day.  I loved watching "1776" a musical about the signing of the 4th of July. Which I have shared with my children.  The fireworks are a visual event showing what the sky may have seemed like during a war, the war which defined us as a nation and define us as Americans.  A country young in comparison to the other world powers at the time.  It is a visual reminder that this country was conceived through violence and fear to gain simple freedoms that many of us have forgotten because we want more for ourselves.
    I love being an American but I don't always love what that means.  I have gone from one state to another and been treated badly because of the state I use to live in when in reality we are one big country.  One big county which seems to be at war within itself.
    A part of me is still afraid of fireworks which is why I don't really go to see them or use them.  My children always spent it with their fathers allowing me the ability to watch or read about the myths which still roam around in our cultural about what it means to be patriotic.  To me it doesn't mean I have to agree with everything the government states, I don't have to stand under one god, I can own or not own a gun, I should honor whether or not I believe in war, veterans and others who have given body parts or lives to make sure there are no wars on our home-front.
     I am proud to be an American so I can make the changes needed to make this a great place for my children and grandchild.  A place where everyone can be what they want without fear, where people could keep a hold on to their culture without fear of losing themselves in the domain white myth of America.  We are not there yet but fireworks do bring people together.
    As a child, I wondered how did people from the countries we fought felt during 4th of July.  Those who sought refuge here, did they feel safe on this day.  Do the fireworks become a symbol of freedom to them.  Do the Germans who came here feel the patriotic surge that fireworks are suppose to ignite?  I do not know.  I have asked a few but many from that time, pretended to only be Americans and didn't want to think about where they had come from.  I know there are many Americans who don't feel free either.  There are many who feel imprisoned by this country because it doesn't encompass all who live here.  It has been hard on those who were here first but were overwhelmed by those who felt they owned this country.
I know many Native American who do not celebrate 4th of July and do not see themselves as Americans in the way white Americans do.  They see the flashes of light celebrating a birth of a country as the death of thousands of their own including their children and their way of life.
    I believe it is important to remember that this county was built with death, sickness and lies but such is the way of countries.  If it was in my power, I would create a country not built on pain, fear or violence but with love, compassion and understanding.  I would not use fireworks as a way to celebrate but rather art created by those who were part of the country.
     As I listen to the booms and shrieks of firecrackers, I think of my grandfather who let me hid with him.  He was very patrotic but no one ever believed that because he hated the fireworks, so some how that meant he hated the country.  He didn't.  He saw himself the same way others did as a failure because he couldn't stand violence of any type.  We can all celebrate this country in our own way and keep trying to shape it into a place where the fireworks would only be flashes of lights to light up the dark with joy and love.
May you celebrate this day in our own way or not.  Peace be with you!  Be well, be safe and most of all be happy friends.  Catch you on the flipside.  I'm outta here. Chow!